Getting Over the Good Girl Guilt

It's early morning and as I peek out my window on the street where I live I can see them walking. Women with their heads turned down, dressed in black Sunday clothes with their heels in hand. They're rushing, but it's not to get to the church on time. You may have seen it before and some of you even lived it, it's that dreadful "walk of shame" that leaves you anxious, embarrassed and full of self-doubt.

This isn't supposed to happen to nice Christian girls, but pre-marital hook-ups are happening everywhere. According to a study conducted by Barna, half of Americans in their twenties and thirties find no fault with pre-marital sex, while two-third believe that unmarried cohabitation is morally acceptable.

But when it comes to sexual flings, it seems that women still suffer more regret than their male counterparts. A survey conducted by researchers at Durham University in the United Kingdom showed that 80 percent of men and only 54 percent of women reported feeling good after a hookup; men also feel more confident and sexually satisfied afterward, and are more likely to brag to friends about it.

For many women the repercussion of breaking the rules is an overwhelming inner conflict. So here are a few rules that every good girl can apply to avoid the post-hook up guilt:

  1. Be Your Own Critic: What's right to some is wrong for others, and that's when self-blame sets in. Everyone has an opinion but ultimately how you judge yourself rests upon you. For acceptance to come easier, suspend the third party voices and make sure to measure yourself by your own moral standards.

  2. Consider the Company You Keep: Though we're not condoning Samantha-style sexcapades from Sex in the City, understanding that you are not alone in your exploits can do a mind a lot of good. So the next time you start beating yourself up over how "bad" you've behaved, it may be comforting to think about how your married friends acted... pre-engagement.

  3. Consider the Total Package: There are many more components to a virtuous person than merely how they behave when the lights are off. If you are kind, honest, loyal and giving in all other aspects of your life, those intimate encounters should not weigh so heavily on your heart and mind.

  4. Share with Caution: You might speak to your folks once a day, but when it comes to the parents there are dangers in full disclosure. If you don't want the "told you so" speeches, refrain from kissing and telling anything at all.

  5. Take Ownership: Trying to erase the past can lead to an obsessive fixation that only aggravates matters. Owning your wants and needs is probably the most important element of making peace with yourself.

By Sherri Langburt of for


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